The maid of honor just puked.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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