He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
