I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
