Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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