I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
