My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
