hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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