You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
