I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
