I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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