Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
