Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
