Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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