I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize