Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i think i have two assholes
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
