so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's never too late to be topless.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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