you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
