And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
