Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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