fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
