Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
