you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
