I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
