Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
