Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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