i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
