Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
just tell him i said nine months
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
