NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
