he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Did I show you my penis last night?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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