hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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