four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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