I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
