You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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