I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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