someone threw a dead crab at me
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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