There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
