I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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