why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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