Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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