I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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