This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
