i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she peed on how many people?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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