I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
