I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She announced her abortion via fbk
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
