Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
