hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
