and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
