is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We left the knife in your bed.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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