Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
