What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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