I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
