i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
