he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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