her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
