That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
