i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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