Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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