i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
