Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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