I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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