I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
