the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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