Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
