I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
