I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize