And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
handjob tips. give me some.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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