I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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