I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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