dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
