cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
