I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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